Popular romantic comedy themes abound surrounding the idea of remarriage after 20 or more years divorced. Consider the new movie with Julia Roberts and George Clooney, “Ticket to Paradise!” In reality, divorced couples rarely get back together.
However, separated couples do often reconcile. Let’s look at how often divorced couples get back together and why this happens. We’ll also see why reconciliation may or may not be the best for you as a separated or divorced couple.
One-Year Separation Period in North Carolina
The fact is that, in North Carolina, the law requires a year of separation before your divorce can go through. This means you have an entire year to decide whether you want to get back together before a divorce occurs.
There are several reasons why separated couples consider getting back together, such as financial issues, health concerns, or a desire to reunite as a family.
Many couples remember the good times once a spouse no longer lives at the same address. They may feel lonely or miss being close. Pictures around the house remind them that their former spouse has played a large part in their life. The saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” often makes sense to spouses who separate.
Separated couples often realize they have a shared history and experiences that can be difficult to replicate with someone new. This can make them want to try to work things out with their spouse.
The separation year can be a lonely experience, and some individuals may fear being alone. They may also miss the companionship and support of ex-partners.
When couples separate, they may initially focus on the negative aspects of the relationship. However, with time and distance, they may remember the good times they shared and want to reunite and experience them again.
If they have kids, they may feel like they need the other parent around. And pressure from other family members or friends can also play a part in getting back together before an entire year of living separately.
How Many Divorced Couples Get Back Together?
While many couples do get back together while separated, fewer couples choose to rekindle their relationship after a divorce.
“According to the research, between 10-15% of couples reconcile after they separate. However, only about 6% of couples marry each other again after they divorce. Of those who remarry each other, about 30% go on to divorce each other a second time.” (1)
In other words, it’s probably unlikely that you will get a divorce and find yourself wanting to remarry the same person later in life. Even if you remarry, there’s a decent chance you’ll divorce them again!
Considerations Before Divorced Couples Decide to Remarry
Considering reconciling with your ex-spouse after a divorce? It is essential to think through the decision carefully.
Identify the Reasons for Wanting to Reconcile:
Ensure you and your ex-partner understand why you want to get back together. Ensure they are healthy and not based on fear, loneliness, or pressure from others.
Address the Issues That Led to the Divorce:
Before reconciling, both partners must be willing to address the issues that led to the divorce. Without this step, the relationship is likely to fail again.
Seek Professional Help:
Consider seeking the assistance of a marriage counselor or therapist who can help you work through your issues and develop a plan for moving forward.
While some divorced couples get back together, it is not common.
Considerations Before Getting a Divorce
Deciding to get a divorce is a significant decision that can have long-lasting consequences on your life. Before making such a decision, it is essential to carefully consider all factors to ensure it is your best choice. Here are some things to consider before getting a divorce:
Reasons for the Divorce:
It is essential to be clear on why you are considering a divorce. Are they based on irreconcilable differences? Or can your issues be worked out through counseling or therapy?
Is it due to infidelity, financial issues, or compatibility problems? Understanding the reasons behind your decision can help you make an informed choice.
Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster. It can lead to guilt, shame, anger, sadness, and depression. It is essential to consider how the emotional impact of a divorce will affect you, your spouse, and your children. Are you prepared to deal with the emotional fallout that comes with the end of a marriage? If not, seeking a counselor for help is always a wise move.
Divorce can have significant legal implications, including property division, spousal support, child custody, and child support. Understanding your legal rights and obligations before proceeding with a divorce is essential. Consult a qualified family law and divorce attorney who can advise you on your legal options.
Divorce can also have a significant financial impact. It can lead to the loss of assets, alimony payments, and legal fees. It is important to consider the financial implications of a divorce and ensure you have the resources to support yourself and any dependents.
If you have children, it is crucial to consider how a divorce will affect them. Divorce can be particularly challenging for children, and it is essential to prioritize their emotional and physical well-being. Consider working with a therapist or counselor to help your children deal with the emotional fallout of a divorce.
Divorce is a significant decision that should not be taken lightly. It is important to consider all factors before proceeding with a divorce, including the emotional impact, legal implications, financial impact, and impact on any children involved.
The Divorce Process in North Carolina
In North Carolina, the divorce process typically begins with a separation period of at least one year. During this time, the couple must live apart and maintain separate residences. After the separation period is complete, one spouse may file for divorce.
The filing spouse must provide the other spouse with notice of the divorce proceedings and the opportunity to respond. If the parties agree on the divorce terms, they can submit a written agreement to the court for approval.
If the parties cannot agree, the court will schedule a trial to determine the divorce terms, including property division, spousal support, and child custody and support.
Once the court approves the divorce terms, it will issue a final divorce decree, and the parties will be legally divorced. It is important to consult with a qualified family law attorney to protect your rights and interests throughout the divorce process.
Why Couples Divorce in the First Place
If it’s time for a divorce, living in past nostalgia makes it much more difficult for you to move forward. Once married couples have been through marriage counseling and dealt with negative emotions and struggles, it’s time to make a decision.
If you’ve worked through why it won’t work, it doesn’t help to beat yourself or your spouse up over it.
Couples or one spouse tend to know whether they will continue to struggle with common reasons for divorce, such as:
- Communication problems
- Financial problems
- Old habits that destroy the hope of a healthy relationship
- Continued domestic violence
- Refusal to do marriage work
If your spouse refuses to show genuine remorse over the problems they caused, reconciliation is not the answer. It’s also not the answer if you refuse to take any responsibility for the main reasons you’re not together anymore. While one spouse may cause most of the marital problems, no one is perfect in a marriage. Honest apologies can go a long way to bringing healing.
Giving someone a second chance can make sense, but not in relationships where married couples continually hurt one another. You don’t have much of a marriage if you never show love and care toward one another.
When Divorce is Right for You and Your Spouse
Deciding whether to get a divorce is a complex and emotional decision that should be carefully considered. No one-size-fits-all answer to this question exists, as every relationship is unique. However, some signs can help you determine whether divorce is right for you and your spouse.
- Lack of Communication: Communication is a crucial aspect of any relationship. If you and your spouse have difficulty communicating effectively, it can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and frustration. Divorce may be the best option if attempts to improve communication have failed.
- Infidelity: Infidelity can be a significant breach of trust in a marriage. If one or both spouses have been unfaithful, it can be challenging to repair the damage to the relationship. While some couples can work through infidelity and rebuild their marriage, others may find divorce the best option.
- Abuse: Abuse, whether physical or emotional, is never acceptable in a marriage. If you or your spouse is experiencing abuse, it is vital to seek help immediately. Divorce is often the safest and healthiest option for both parties.
- Irreconcilable Differences: Sometimes, couples grow apart over time. If you and your spouse have fundamental differences that cannot be resolved, it may be time to consider divorce.
- Lack of Intimacy: A lack of intimacy can signify the loss of the emotional connection between you and your spouse. Divorce may be the best option if you have tried to reignite the spark in your marriage, but nothing seems to work.
Deciding whether to get a divorce is a personal decision that requires careful consideration. If you are experiencing any of the signs mentioned above, it may be time to consider divorce. Ultimately, only you and your spouse can decide whether divorce is the right choice for your relationship.
Our Experienced Attorneys Can Help You Through a Separation and Divorce
At Plekan Law, as qualified family law and divorce attorneys, we can help you understand your legal options and guide you through the divorce process. Our experienced attorneys understand the emotional and financial toll divorce can take on individuals and families. That’s why we take a compassionate and personalized approach to each case, ensuring that our clients receive the support and guidance they need to make informed decisions about their future.
Whether you are considering divorce or are already in the midst of the process, our attorneys can help you navigate the complexities of family law in North Carolina. We will tirelessly protect your legal rights and achieve the best possible outcome for you and your family. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our knowledgeable divorce attorneys.