A divorce means the end of a relationship that you once expected to last for a lifetime. No matter why it is ending, there is a sadness to the loss of a dream. Many individuals who divorce feel some loss and grief as they go through the separation period. Because the separation period lasts for an entire year in North Carolina, you may feel a sense of completion when your separation year finishes and your divorce finally goes through. You may even feel excited to finally get your divorce papers, especially if the separation year was stressful. However, is a divorce party a good idea? Let’s look at why you might throw a divorce party and some of the pros and cons of having one.
End of the Separation Period (Finally!)
During the separation period, individuals put large amounts of time, effort, and money into drawing up an agreement for the future as a divorced couple. During the one year separation period, there is hard work to find a place of agreement on issues such as:
- Child custody and child support
- Child visitation agreements
- Legal separation agreements
- Alimony
- Division of pensions, joint savings accounts, retirement plans, insurance policies
- Debt responsibilities
- Equitable distribution of marital property
By the time you’ve worked through these issues with a spouse, you may feel like it’s been a full-time job preparing for your future. The sense of accomplishment combined with newfound freedom may give you a desire to celebrate a new future.
It’s a good time to gather your girlfriends around and celebrate a new beginning. But before you head to Party City for decorations, consider your loved ones and how they may feel about your celebration.
Family Considerations
If you are close to your ex-mother-in-law or your ex’s cousin, you may think twice before celebrating the end of something they may still feel pain about. A marriage brings together people who become part of another’s family.
Especially if your spouse treated you poorly, his family may feel guilty or sad about his actions. If you and his mother became close, she may hope to stay close with you. Celebrating openly that it’s over may hurt the feelings of those you still enjoy a kinship with.
If your own family loved your ex as their own, they may also struggle with you wanting to celebrate the end of a family dream. Perhaps your Dad enjoys playing golf with your ex. Or your brother and your ex are now best friends. You may not want to further strain their relationships by announcing how thrilled you are that your marriage is over.
If you still have a good relationship with your ex and you share many of the same friends, you may also want to consider his feelings in this. He could feel like a failure already, and seeing you celebrate what he thought would last forever could send him reeling.
It is never wrong to consider your family and friends’ feelings before throwing a party to celebrate the death of a dream. Taking into consideration how others will feel is just part of loving others well.
New Beginnings
If you are planning a divorce party, you likely want to celebrate a new beginning and mark a new epoch in your life. Instead of focusing on the negative: a marriage that did not work out, you could make your “divorce” party a “new beginnings” party (or any other fun name you can think of.) Changing the party’s name to reflect your new mindset makes it about you and your journey instead of your past relationship.
Making your party about the good things to come takes the focus away from mistakes or pain of the past and makes the celebration about everything you are grateful for today. A celebration can be very life-affirming to everyone around you. After all, a dream ended, and you got up off the ground to continue living your life. You’re feeling an excitement about the future that you want to share with others.
Consider Any Children
If you have children from your marriage, they look to you for guidance about handling the divorce. If they love their Dad and see him often, a divorce party may give them the wrong message. Sometimes marriages don’t work out, but parents are responsible for showing children how to treat others well even when things don’t go their way.
Cake toppers that shout “The End of an Error” or “You can’t fix stupid, but you can divorce it” give your children the sense that their Mom or Dad is worthless and stupid. Because children see themselves through the eyes of their parents, you may send a message to your children that they are a mistake or stupid also.
Celebrating the end of your life as a family may also seem wrong to your children if they love your ex. They may still struggle with wondering why there was a divorce or if they even caused the divorce to happen.
An Exciting New Life
A divorce is often an exciting new beginning with a world of possibilities opening up for you. There is so much to celebrate when the pain of an everyday battle is finally over. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to celebrate your newfound freedom and being excited about the future. You can now pursue your dreams without considering whether your spouse approves or will support you in your decisions. You can choose where to go with your life now.
Suppose you’ve spent time considering how others may feel. In that case, you may decide to throw a small discrete divorce party at a restaurant with a few girlfriends or alternatively, have a differently-themed party celebrating your new life and possibilities.
Whatever you choose to do, remember that your celebration reflects who you are right now. If you’re hung up on the past and still bitter, your party may reflect that. However, if you are genuinely in a good place now, you’re more likely willing to let go of the past and move forward with hope for your future. And isn’t that the best reason to celebrate?
We Can Help
No matter where you are in the divorce process, at Plekan Law, we can help you through the legalities of it all. From separation agreements to working through issues you must settle before obtaining a divorce, we’ve got you covered. Our Family Law practice focuses on using the legal instruments available to help you live your best life. Contact us today if you need help deciding your next steps or negotiating settlements or alimony. Get in touch and find out how we can help.